self realization

"you can forge the path to a fulfillinf and enjoyble life if you have the depth of faith to regard everything as a source for creating happiness and value. conversly if you see everything only in a negative or pessimistic light, your life will gradually but inevitable be plunged into the darkness. buddhism teaches the subtle principle of ichinen, and moreover, the power of faith "
When i first read this quote, i realized that these words, these guidance is for me only.
i am working in a plant and from the day 1 i joined i ddnt like my work.
well the working conditions are no better to make you happy, so is the boss.
name a thing and it will be dere. heat, dust, poisonous gases, fumes which chokes your throat, sound, hazardous waste and equally difficult staff to deal with and add on to it, to work in shifts.
it may sound like terrible but its a bit less terrible then i portrayed. nonetheless after coming from college i ddnt expected myself to be in the middle of all these thing. while my other friends in the same plant were enjoying their life with good comfortable condition and relaxation in coming and going out.
i was toiling hard, getting bullied by my boss and cussing .
in last 1 year i studied harder then ever to clear any other PSU exam and go ot of this place.
but much to my surprise i ddnt clear even a single written while a year before this i cleared all the PSU exams even without studying much.
with summer coming, my condition start becoming terrible. the temp in this region reaches to 46 and in plant and moreover in my area of working you can easily add 2-3 degree more to it.
but what i could have done. i have to work untill i get something good enough.
my cat exam was a big fiasco in the last year and with this summer raising i was getting afraid that this coming year cat will have the same fate.

but by reading sensei's guidance i actually realized that what is happening in my life.
by cursing my surroundings, my environment and blaming my job for not being able to do gakkai activities what i was doing last year was slowly but surely developing pessimistic attitude. though i was chanting but the attitude towards chanting wasnt that ought to be.
i was falling into the vicious circle without knowing and all the negative results were just the reflection of my inner state of life.
it took me a year to learn this thing.
but at last i learned it. the job is same, heat is same infact will go on to increase only but i am determined to increase the depth of my faith to become happy, respect this job and ofcourse this PSU for giving me this job and giving me a handsome salary and training me . there are no coincidence in buddhism and my being here in this dept and in this city, rourkela far away from my home that is delhi must have some higher meaning.
i must use my training in delhi to make bsg- rourkela a citadel of happiness.

i determine to improve my life condition and to expand my life so that i can give my best at my job, gakkai activities, health and my study.